


Everything is Not Tickety-boo

by Eudoxia



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: (but it's really a 4+1), (which is the title of the wikipedia page i used), 5+1 Things, Gen, Library of Alexandria fire, Monasterio y Sitio de El Escorial en Madrid fire, about 90 percent crack, building or structural fires, inspired by a comment i left on a WONDERFUL fic, the Great Fire of London
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 16:47:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20138713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eudoxia/pseuds/Eudoxia
Summary: Four times Aziraphale (accidentally) started a library fire plus one time he (accidentally) started a bookshop fire.





	Everything is Not Tickety-boo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [soft_october](https://archiveofourown.org/users/soft_october/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Running in the Shadows (Damn Your Love, Damn Your Lies)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18780685) by [soft_october](https://archiveofourown.org/users/soft_october/pseuds/soft_october). 

> This is totally inspired by soft_october 's Running in the Shadows (Damn Your Love, Damn Your Lies), particularly by a scene in one of the chapters where Aziraphale accidentally burns down his house because he was up late reading by candle light in his library. I ended up leaving a comment where I said, "You know, it’s not that surprising that aziraphale ended up accidentally burning down his house. I mean, he accidentally burned down his bookshop. For all we know, he probably accidentally burned down the library of alexandria, too. (Though, crowley probably took credit for it, to spare aziraphale the embarrassment.)"
> 
> The idea WOULD NOT leave me alone so here's a short ficlet about it.
> 
> Running in the Shadows is an AMAZING fic and y'all should go read it!!

**Today**

“All things considered, it’s not that surprising that your bookshop burned down, is it?”

Aziraphale slams his wine glass on to his desk so harshly the stem nearly snaps. “Excuse me!” he says, wildly affronted. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean!”

“Ah, well,” Crowley says, lounging against the couch, waving his own glass of wine about, “there were quite a few fires, so you can’t be blamed for forgetting one or two.”

Aziraphale sputters, “I _never_!”

“Alexandria,” Crowley continues, undeterred. “Alexandria _again_! The Great Fire.”

“You can hardly blame _me_ for—”

“Monasterio del Escorial.”

“You _cannot_ lay the Escorial at _my_ feet! I wasn’t even—”

“And then the bookshop!”

Aziraphale lifts his glass of wine and glares, “I am going to discorporate you.”

-

**The Library of Alexandria - 48 BCE**

“Angel!”

Aziraphale jumps, startled. His elbow crashes into the lamp he had set on the table when he’d arrived a day ago and lit oil spills across his collection of scrolls.

“Oh, hell.”

“Angel! We have to go! The whole city is under siege!” Crowley doesn’t spare a moment for Aziraphale’s response, just grabs his arm and drags him from the library.

Later, as they watch the city burn from a distance, Aziraphale glares darkly and hisses, “This is your fault. I am not taking the blame for this one.”

Crowley sighs, contrite, “I _am_ sorry, angel.”

Aziraphale seethes for the next century.

-

**The Library of Alexandria - 391 CE**

“Angel! We have to go! The whole city is under siege!”

Later, as they stand on a familiar roof top, Aziraphale glares darkly and says nothing.

“I’m sorry, angel, truly. But there’s a war on and we can’t risk being discorporated at the moment. Think of the paperwork!”

“I _am_ ‘thinking of the _paperwork_!’ All my scrolls! _Gone_! Again!”

-

**The Great Fire of London - 1666 CE**

Aziraphale stumbles along Puddling Lane. The only thing preventing him from falling face first onto the cobblestones is Crowley’s arm slung around his shoulders. Between them is a bottomless bottle of wine. 

“You know,” Aziraphale starts, “I believe there’s a bakery near here…”

Crowley hums, bringing the bottle up to his lips. “It’s past midnight, angel. I doubt it’s open for business at this hour.”

Aziraphale frowns, “No, I’m sure the owner _must be_ awake. Practicing—_perfecting_ his pastries, maybe?”

Laughing, Crowley says, “Miraculously awake?”

“Miraculously,” Aziraphale smirks.

Four days later, from very far away, covered from head to foot to wings in ash and soot and sorrow, Aziraphale ignores the tears streaking down both their faces.

“I...” Aziraphale starts, but Crowley just shakes his head. The demon reaches out, wraps a hand around Aziraphale’s wrist, and just holds on. 

-

**Monasterio y Sitio de El Escorial en Madrid - 1671 CE**

The monastery is absolutely beautiful. But Aziraphale isn’t in San Lorenzo de El Escorial to admire the architecture. He’s here to do a temptation. (Crowley won the coin toss, _again_. But, honestly, Aziraphale isn't too disappointed he lost the toss. The monastery has an absolutely _beautiful_ library.)

“You know,” Aziraphale murmurs to the man he is to tempt, “I don’t think you deserve to be treated so harshly. They don’t understand you, do they? Perhaps it would be best if they were… taught a lesson?”

Almost two weeks later, Aziraphale is standing outside the monastery, staring at the smoldering remains. 

“So,” Crowley starts as he walks to the angel. (He’d come to San Lorenzo de El Escorial when he’d caught word of a fire at the monastery. The Great Fire of London still burns far too fresh in both their memories.) “Bit of trouble with the temptation, then?”

Aziraphale glares. “I had no idea the man would take my words to mean ‘burn the damn building down’! I had meant it more along the lines of ‘petty theft’ or—or maybe ‘mild physical violence’, but ‘_arson_’?!”

“Eh,” Crowley shrugs a shoulder and slouches against thin air. “Pretty decent demonic temptation though, all things considered. Burning down a monastery.”

“‘_All things considered’_! The fire burned for a fortnight!”

Crowley nods, “Yes, but everyone survived. Miraculously.”

“Miraculously,” Aziraphale confirms, muttering, and then, louder, “but the books!”

-

**A.Z. Fell & Co. - Sometime before the end of the world (CE)**

“You know,” Crowley says, leaning his elbows on the counter by the register. “If you’re not actually going to _sell_ any of the books here, maybe you should consider calling this place a library instead.”

“_NO_!”

But, with Aziraphale’s luck, calling it a bookshop still doesn’t prevent any... unfortunate mishaps with open flames.

-

**(Yesterday)**

(After the apocalypse-that-wasn’t, after surviving heaven and hell, after switching their bodies back, and after the Ritz, Crowley goes around the **_BOOKSHOP_** **_[NOT a LIBRARY] _**and talks to every candle, every matchstick, every electrical outlet and light bulb, telling them that if they so much as _think_ about starting a fire again, they will have to deal with _Crowley_. And it will _not_ be _pretty_. Or _nice_.)

(Aziraphale is perfectly happy to sit around and enjoy a nice glass of wine while Crowley fireproofs their home.)


End file.
